Wednesday, December 12, 2012

'Tis the Season

First, an update on our Rainbow. I've had cervical length checks every two weeks for the last couple of months, and there have been no changes. This is great news. The docs say that this means we have less than a 1% chance of delivering preterm. I've also been getting progresterone shots religiously every week (thanks Megan for the help on weeks when I don't see the doctor!) and that will help prevent any preterm labor. So I'm feeling confident that we're on a good path here. Our angels are watching over this little girl, who we have decided to name Lexie Jean!

I try to keep all these positives in mind as we approach a very difficult time...Christmas, and the dreaded 24-week mark. I delivered Tyler & Ethan at 24 weeks, 5 days and I know I'm going to be very nervous as that gestational age approaches for Lexie. We'll hit that milestone on December 27, right after Christmas. Luckily they scheduled one more ultrasound for December 28 just to be safe! Not that the worry will completely stop there though - after that, I'll be waiting for 28 weeks, then 32, then 36 since now I know how "good" a baby's chances are at each of these gestational ages...and they improve significantly as time goes on of course. But for now, I'm just praying to get through 24 weeks, 5 days from a physical and emotional standpoint.

Then there's Christmas, stuck right in the middle of all this. This will be our second Christmas without the boys. We have our "Tyler & Ethan Tree" decorated, I made a wreath for the cemetery and placed it a couple weeks ago and we've made our Toys for Tots donation of items the boys would have been playing with right now. Doing these things in their memory is a big help to my soul, at Christmas and throughout the rest of the year. I feel close to them when I do these things; like they're walking right beside me. And that feels amazing.

And speaking of angels walking beside us, I also saw a medium last month. It was a public show, but I was picked for a mini reading. She was kind of off on a few things, but one thing she told me that was right on was this: She said I feel the closest to the boys when I'm in the car, by myself. And that I sing to them when I'm driving too (which is correct!)...and that they want me to know that they like it when I sing to them. This is cool because just that morning I was singing a song that reminded me of Tyler & Ethan, and I thought to myself "I wonder if the boys like it when I sing to them, because their sister sure doesn't! Hopefully at least one of my kids doesn't mind my singing..." and then I didn't think about it the rest of the day until the medium brought it up. A-MAZ-ING. I've always believed that my boys were right beside me, but this was just the confirmation that I needed.

So to those of you who are missing someone in Heaven this Christmas season, take comfort in the fact that they're not really that far away. I am more confident than ever that our loved ones walk beside us, hear us, and in their own way sometimes even speak to us through signs, etc. So when you've got a quiet moment (in the car alone, if you're anything like me!), think of them and all you're feeling for them...they can hear you. And know that they're listening and loving you every minute.

Wishing you a peaceful holiday season!