Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Sunshine, Angels & Rainbows

Well, I'm back after a long summer hiatus from blogging, and I have big news.The title of this post is Sunshine, Angels & Rainbows, and I'll tell you why. In the loss community, we call our babies that were born before a loss "sunshine babies." That would be Addison...she has been the sunshine on my darkest days and has reminded me of all the things that are good in life. Tyler & Ethan are obviously my angels...they shine down on us every day and have taught me so much about what's really important. Rainbow babies are babies born after a loss; we call them rainbows because they come in the wake of a terrible storm that our souls have weathered and bring us something beautiful. We are excited to announce that we are expecting our rainbow baby in April.

We feel incredibly blessed to be expecting again. I honestly didn't know if it would happen for us, given our history of miscarriages and loss. Someone is watching over us. ;-) At the same time, I'm also incredibly nervous though. We're seeing the high risk specialists, and they're setting me up with weekly progesterone shots and frequent cervical monitoring. If they detect any changes, then I will become a candidate for a rescue cerclage (sewing shut of the cervix). My doctors are very optimistic that I'll have no problems with this pregnancy, since it is a singleton.

Having a game plan and the doctor's confidence makes me feel good about things...cautiously optimistic, we'll say. But there's something else that I fall back on to settle my nerves...I don't have that feeling of foreboding that I had with the boys. When I was pregnant with Tyler & Ethan, I always had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong. All my fears were always quashed by the doc and her staff, but I was still hesitant. Hesitant to buy any clothes. Hesitant to order wallpaper border. Hesitant to even clean out the nursery, even though all the books said to do so early on in case you got put on bedrest. I don't have that bad feeling this time around. I'm not afraid to tell people about this baby, and I actually bought two neutral colored sleepers already! Plus, I know I have a team of angels watching over this baby. Tyler and Ethan for sure, and a very special friend as well. My friend & neighbor Monica passed away on August 6, 2011 from cancer. On August 6, 2012 I found out I am pregnant. The baby's due date is April 13, which is Monica's birthday. I'm taking this as a sign that she's watching over this baby and that everything is going to be ok. So very thankful for all the angels that walk with us every day!

In closing, even though we are standing in the aftermath of the storm, anticipating a beautiful rainbow, it doesn't mean that the storm never happened. This baby will bring us so much joy, but we will still carry the boys in our hearts and miss them every day. We will continue to honor and remember Tyler and Ethan forever and look forward to sharing them with their little brother or sister.

Please say a prayer that we are able to take home a healthy rainbow baby in April!

Thanks for reading!